Services

Solano Psychotherapy Associates works with many different psychological conditions. We will be happy to discuss your needs and concerns around any of the following issues and give you our opinion on your options:

depression
anxiety
self-esteem improvement
self-defeating patterns
procrastination
relationship development
marriage counseling
communication problems
anger management
sexual difficulties
shyness
emotional and interpersonal crises
life transitional problems
eating disorders that are not life threatening
drug and alcohol problems that do not require inpatient treatment

Individual Psychotherapy: We practice a psychodynamic psychotherapy which is generally accomplished at a frequency of once or twice a week. The essence of this form of therapy is exploration of a person’s symptoms, or presenting complaints, through their relationship to that person’s internal world. This includes a person’s sense of self, sense of others, related emotions, psychological patterns and defenses adapted early in life. It is common to find patterns of adaptation to early childhood stresses which result in aspects of a person’s internal world being cut-off (dissociated) from other aspects of personality, resulting in the symptoms that bring that person into therapy. When such patterns are established early in life, it can be very difficult for a person to see or understand them. On the inside, this person feels “that’s just the way it is.” But on the outside, there are always rigidities in the personality associated with these old coping strategies resulting in such symptoms as anxieties, depression, emotional constriction, difficulty understanding one’s feelings, difficulties with intimacy, etc. Psychoanalytic psychotherapy is designed to treat the whole person to provide more than symptom relief; its goal is to help people live more fully in tune with their potential. To read more about what you can expect in individual psychotherapy, please read the “FAQ (frequently asked questions).

Couples and Families: We also help couples and families who are experiencing relationship or communication difficulties. Whether you simply want to enjoy more intimacy and satisfaction in your relationships or you have a serious difficulty you need professional help to work through, we will be happy to work with you. Please read on if you are interested in either couples or family therapy.

What can couples therapy do? Of course this is going to vary according to the needs and resources of the individual couple. Another critical variable is whether or not both partners want to make a better relationship. If, for some reason, one person is more invested in keeping the relationship the way it has been, or does not want the relationship to improve, then couples therapy can only clarify that fact. If both partners of a couple want a better relationship, and if both partners have the capacity to trust the couples therapist (that is, they allow the therapist to help), then the therapy is most often a success.

How might “success” in couples therapy actually look? This will depend on the issues the couple wants to solve. It may be something as general as “getting along better” without getting stuck in unresolvable arguments, or it may be as specific as an impasse over whether or not to move, buy a new car or a used car, quit a job, etc. Success may not always be in the form of coming to a specific solution to a particular problem. It may also mean that, rather than withdrawing, yelling in frustration, or blaming the partner for the argument, the couple is able to disagree while still hearing and respecting each other’s feelings. Couples who have been through a psychodynamic couples therapy often find as individuals an increased self-esteem and ability to assert feelings, as well as an increased ability to interact authentically in other close relationships.

The thrust of couples therapy is the couple, not necessarily either individual in the couple. This means that each partner is taken as he or she is and no one is blamed for the couple’s difficulty. These difficulties are always viewed as a clash between each partner’s histories and how these histories are influencing each partner in a manner that keeps the couple stuck in an unsatisfying pattern. This can be shown to be the case whenever a couple finds itself in the same old familiar struggle. Couples therapy can help a couple understand and have empathy with each partners psychological defenses in a manner that allows these defenses to change to accommodate the couples needs. Even in situations in which one partner has betrayed the other, this interactional pattern can be seen, understood, and unpacked so that the couple can develop a satisfying relationship.

Dr. Gray’s theoretical perspective on couples therapy

Whether with a general complaint or an acute impasse, as a couples therapist, I will want to examine each of the couples problem solving styles, particularly around close interpersonal relationships. This usually requires getting a brief personal history from each partner, especially in relationship to that person’s experience of similar interpersonal problems. Often I find here that the source of the problem lies in the ways that the couple’s histories are clashing. For instance, suppose the man in a heterosexual couple had never learned to express his feelings and consequently tended to withdraw in disagreements. And suppose the woman in this couple, because of her history, felt more secure in the relationship when she could maintain emotional connection. This would mean that when they were in disagreement, she would emotionally pursue him, and he would emotionally withdraw from her, and they would both become increasingly frustrated, wanting the other to adopt his or her style. As their couples therapist, I would attempt to help them each see and have empathy for each others style and to accept these differences. I would also ask each one of them to find ways of giving and allowing for change in their individual styles, helping them each with the difficulties in doing so. I would also explore the sources of any incompletely expressed feeling that may be affecting the interactions. When couples have lost sight of the things they liked about each other I will want to help them discover what is needed for them to trust and enjoy those things again.

Family Therapy: Family therapy usually works with a whole immediate family, helping the members understand and shift individual roles around which interactional rigidities have formed. This may require an examination of the intergenerational pressure to assume these roles and how they interact to result in difficulties. As in couples therapy, no member of the family is blamed for a problem; rather, the thrust is in understanding and empathizing with how rigidities around family roles have developed. This will inevitably result in a shift in these roles toward more flexibility and a lessening of symptoms.

What is group therapy?

Usually 6 to 8 people screened by a professional facilitator for compatibility and brought together to help each other through mutual support, honest feedback, and facilitated interactions designed to help members understand the ways their communications are experienced by others. The group may be formed around a specific theme such as depression, social anxiety, eating disorders, divorce, loss and grief, etc. or it may be a general psychotherapy group. Some topic specific groups are time limited, for instance 12 to 18 weeks, and general psychotherapy groups tend to be on-going. Group therapy is meant to help with problematic behavioral, emotional and interactional patterns which have developed early in life under stress or deprivation. These patterns have adaptive elements that cause difficulty later in life. Group therapy is design to understand these patterns and change them with the feedback and support of the other group members and the facilitator. However, it takes courage and energy to risk discovering and changing patterns of interaction that have been in place since childhood. We ask that you consider carefully your decision as it represents a long-term committment to yourself and the other group members.

In time limited groups, the facilitator presents topics for the group to discuss, and then helps members discuss the topic. The facilitator usually helps members relate their experience with the topic and helps them express their thoughts and feelings related to the topic. This process often has several curative effects: First, it helps members realize they are not alone in their experiences; Second, it helps members be more accepting of their own feelings as they experience a sense of commonality among the members in relationship to their feelings; and third, they develop a sense of freedom in expression of their own thoughts and feelings associated with the topic, where before there might have been a sense of shame or guilt or feelings of inadequacy.

In on-going groups,the goal of group therapy is not only the relief described above, but to help members make lasting change in aspects of their personality and ways in which they relate to others. The therapy group is a unique atmosphere where honest interpersonal exploration among members is actively encouraged. Interactions within the group usually mirror interpersonal styles developed as children and only in such a setting can these patterns be examined and understood with the necessary empathy. Group members give and receive help by actively being involved with each other’s issues and expressing their opinions and feelings openly. It is important that members be as honest and direct with their feelings in the group as possible, expecially feelings toward other members and the therapist. In many ways, this can be regarded as the core of group therapy. This ability comes with developing trust in the group and no one will be forced to say or do anything. It is each member’s responsibility to pace his or her own self-disclosure. However, the more effort you put into taking these emotional risks, the more benefit you will derive from the group.

More on how we work: See section on Frequently Answered Questions for a full description of our approach, fees, and what you can expect from us.